The Crumbling Tower

Locked in the castle so many years ago, while the war raged on beyond the walls of our keep, she hoisted her flag and waited.. Thousands came to offer their assistance, one by one she turned them all away.. but the walls of her keep slowly were eroded and soon the sounds of war were beating at her door.. the castle shook violently and her heart pounded madly.. the was a call from outside her window... "Milady, do tell me your plan to leave if not with me, soon they shall be knocking at your very door..I will not be coming around this way to fetch you again"

I called out to him "Sir, I don't think I want to leave just yet."

"Milady, your castle is crumbling under attack you must trust in me and leave now before it is to late."

I looked out to him again "But, I don't want to leave, yet."

He called back, "But, you haven't a choice, now climb out that window and down that rope to safety.."

Looking down, I felt dizzy, but I climbed up on the ledge anyway, swung my legs out, wrapped the rope around my right leg, turned onto my belly and shimmied out the window and just hung there. "I don't want to come down there Sir.."

"Milady, just slide down here I assure you it is safe and I am waiting just at the end of the rope."

I was just hanging outside my window by a rope when I heard the crash of my tower door.. They were at the tower door already, I had to let go and when I did, I slid down the rope so fast I nearly fell right into my Knights hands.. "Oh thank goodness you finally came to your senses, you have been up there way to long already, let's go now.."

I didn't fight leaving the castle that day, instead I rode quietly away, making my escape, watching quite sadly as my keep crumbled to the earth..

"Don't worry Milady, you can always build a new home in a land that is not plagued with war"

"What saddens me Sir is not that my home is gone or that I have to rebuild, but is that the land I call home is so plagued with war.."

When a wall is really a door..

I had walked naked for miles and miles, days and many nights, through this empty barren world, only to find the maze of deceit, which one could only hope would lead me to the land called Inside Yourself to find the girl who resides there.. 

When I came to the wall of the maze, there didn't seem to be an opening anywhere to be seen, from where I stood it looked solid through and through in all directions, impossibly tall and terribly thick, patched with overgrowth and moss several inches deep.. 

I was so despaired, I thought I would weep..as I leaned my back against the wall, just about to sit and bawl, I suddenly began to fall.. fall I did, right through that green moss covered wall.. Looking around, I realized I had fallen into a long tunnel that appeared to extend infinitely for exactly the same distance at both ends... 

Sitting in crumpled heap on the rock hard ground "Well" , I said more to myself than the bird who had been following me for sometime, "The journey to "Inside Yourself" is forever long and full of many perils, not exactly a tourists dream vacation.. " 

I stood up and brushed the dirt out of my skin and reached out to touch the wall I had just fallen through... My hand just fell straight through, so I touched the wall behind me thinking this was the solid wall I would follow looking for a new door... and again my hand just fell through.. 

So I walked up and tried to look past the moss, sure enough it appeared to be only hanging there, giving the image of a wall, rather than really being a wall.. Everywhere I looked there was just moss overhanging and everywhere I pressed I could just push through... 

So I pressed on, walking through wall after wall of the maze of deceit, laughing at how much fear I had of this very maze as walked up to it from afar, picturing all the things that could happen if was lost in there forever.. 

It's amazing how sometimes a wall really is a door...

The Journey to Inside Yourself

Introduction…

Walking naked that day, seeking answers, blindly boldly traveling down the way... I have walked and walked on this empty road to nowhere, endlessly seeking on the road never ends it just forever twists and bends.....I heard a voice call to me..

"For every question under the sun, there will be an answer or there will be none.. let not your wonder go unattended, feast your eyes upon the resolution....However, you should know, the answer is utterly insignificant, as unquestionably, the answer is always really found in why we seek the answer to the question to begin with, but do not stop your ponder until you have obtained your own absolution, just keep seeking"..

The day passed on to night and I was stumbling naked down the dark road between here and there when I saw a street light ahead. It seemed so close, but still took what felt like the better part of an hour to reach.

When by complete happenstance I come upon a bridge. I looked over the bridge into the still water below and start to ponder this all."How the hell did I get here?"

The water rippled, and my reflection spoke to me, "Well, you walked of course." '

I laughed uncontrollably, at the humor of my own reflection, and called back "Well, why in God's name would I walk all this way, naked in the dark and lost?"

The water rippled and my reflection called back, "Because you can, and for this reason, you will keep walking until the very end of that road, and at the very end, you will surely see, that it is okay to continue on, even naked, lost and at night "

"Well.." I called back, " I just want to let you know, I think this is all insane! Just a really insanely stupid thing to try and test...."

I was about to walk away when she called to me, "You have an army at your side, that only you refuse to see, believe and keep walking, it is going to be just fine.."

I just walked away and called into the darkness that engulfed me as I left the only light..."Either I have lost my mind or I am dreaming. Clearly this is not real, she is not real, none of this is real, this is just another of my insane dreams that will end soon, I'll just keep walking and I will wake up soon, I will just keep walking.." I just kept walking on and on. In truth, I may have turned back, but I hadn’t a clue where I had come from or even where I was going, where going back went to or even where going forward would lead me to.

The Journey to Inside Yourself

Looking up the wall of ice and the ice picks in my hand, I felt for sure I would never escape this cold death. But, you be dam sure I would die trying before I froze here with the tools to save my life in my hands.

Looking up to a height that ascended past my vision, my heart pounded, I drove the ice pick into the ice wall and the sound of the shattering ice filled the valley where I stood... Again and again, I stabbed the icy wall as I climbed out of the frozen hell.. I promised myself I would not look down, so I couldn't tell how far I had come. But the climb went on and on and night fall came before I reached a respite.What I thought was the top was only a small overhang, the next climb was twice as long, and twice as steep, The fear swept through me as I thought of climbing through the night with only the stars to guide me, but only for a moment as soon a quiet war waged on inside me and the climb began...

"I am going to get out of here... not even the darkest night would stop me from climbing.. I got places to go and things to see, and freezing here, alone in the cold, naked in the dark isn't one of them."

My arms grew tired and I begged myself for strength to make the last of the journey. The unmistakable dead weight of my legs grew heavier as the climb went on. But I climbed on and on until my arms felt as though they would break if I moved them. Then I just hung there praying... praying... breathing and praying for what felt like eternity...Then the wind touched the back of my neck, I opened my eyes and started to climb, almost without fear, just quietly climbing the ice wall that was there. I was finally at peace with the pains that ached within me as I climbed, numb and silent, I stabbed that ice wall...

The sun came up and climbed on... Soon I came to a long break in the ice wall. It was wide enough for me to climb into, so I wedge myself between it and while I was sitting there I carved my name into the ice.. "Kay Titanium Jewels" and I ate the ice that broke away..My laughed echoed through the ice canyon, as I climbed on. "I so got this wall, it may be twice as big, but I so got this.” I stabbed that icy wall over and over that day, on and on I climbed that wall.Just a day ago, I thought the light and color of life would never return. But alas, the sun came round world and back to warm my face again. As the golden streaks of sunlight peaked upon the horizon, my fear ebbed and I crawled over that last ice wall and entered the frozen desert that I had thought I would never reach...

Never had I been so grateful to see the flat barren lands that stretched before me for as far as I could see. As the ice turned to hot sand beneath my feet, the warmth thawed my skin and blood return to my toes..But still, I was grateful for the burning sensation of pain as I knew this meant I was alive...As I walked nearly blinded by the sun through the desert, the scorching sand on my feet burned and blistered my skin. However, it didn't matter.. I just kept walking naked through the desert heat...

I needed to rest, but to lie down now was to risk never getting up again. I needed to find water, shade, and shelter from the cold night that would come when the sun fell beyond the horizon. I was thirsty, parched and sunburned from head to toe but I walked on and on. Alone in the desert heat, with no reference behind or in-front me to tell how far I had come, I couldn't tell exactly how far I had gone or where the ice wall was from here, but I could tell from the sun that my hours of daylight where numbered. Soon I would be relieved of the heat and frozen once again if I didn't make it out of the desert soon.

My legs felt as though they I had been walking for years, my toes burned and my feet sunk deeper with each step kicking sand up as I walked on and on.Far off in the distance I saw a flicker of green among the shimmering white..As I walked forward the dark spot on the horizon it grew bigger and bigger and soon I was walking in fields of green, out of the desert and into the forest. For sure it was really real, I had reached the end of the desert, stumbled into the forest and there before my eyes was a crystal lake so wide that I couldn't even see the other side.

I reached the edge and bent over, looking upon my sunburned windblown reflection, I spooned myself some water and drank thirstily. Never had the water felt so good on my lips, tasted so sweet in my mouth, I drank it gluttonously, taking as much into my mouth as I could, bending into the water and splashily splashing onto my burning skin, and eventually sinking myself into the crystal lake to cleanse the pain from my body..The cold water on my sunburned and blistered skin felt so revitalizing and renewing, like a glove of cool salve on a blistered hand...

After my swim, I pulled myself from the water and lay down on a sun warmed rock to dry, my eyes shut and my breathing slowed, for a long while, I was quiet and thoughtful. Even after I opened my eyes, I just lay their marveling the stars and peace became me. It was something that even with all my fancy words I couldn't describe. That moment when you know, it's going to okay... even walking naked, lost and through the dark, it was going to be just fine.

It seemed the world was empty, everywhere I wandered, all the places I had pondered, I could not find her anywhere. I searched and searched those barren lands, day in and day out, out of the ice canyon, through the dry frozen desert, into the forest, and beyond...I stopped upon the edge of the river that I had been following for days, I stooped down low to drink from the water, and as the water cascaded through my fingers it pooled on the rock where I sit.I looked into the puddle that had formed on a large smooth rock and was surprised to see the girl's face right inside.

"Oh my! I had no idea that you were in there, I have been looking for you everywhere.."

When the girl spoke, her voice seemed so familiar and yet so vastly different that anything I had ever heard before, "I have been neither very far behind, nor very far in front you, I am always inside you."

"You said this before, but I haven't a clue what that means"" I cried to her, "Please, can't you just tell me how to find you, it is such a long way and I am scared here without you."

"You are never without me, the only way to find me is open your eyes and look upon yourself" The tear rolled off my face and into the puddle, just a small splash, but the girl was gone and I was alone again.

I looked up at the sky and screamed, "This is so maddening, where in this empty barren world is inside yourself!" the sound of my own voice echoed through the world, but is was still only me, not a single other sound of movement was heard, not one bird chirped, nothing.. just me

I have been wondering naked, through an empty world, a frozen ice that led to the deserts burning sands, to this forest looking for place called "inside yourself" for days and days, and had only seen the girl I seek once in all that time.. in a puddle nonetheless. I was tired of walking along this river that never ends to this place that seemingly can't be found, looking for a girl that quite possibly never even existed to begin with.."Clearly I have gone insane looking for a girl that doesn't exist, this is all just another crazy dream."

I sat down, looked upon the yonder and begin to silently ponder the ways I could find my way to "inside yourself" but truthfully, I had not a clue what to do...If I knew where I was going, this might not have been such a challenge, but as it stood, I could quite possibly wonder this godforsaken land looking forever and ever and never find Inside Yourself.

I saw a floating stick pass by the river my way, suddenly and for reasons even I can’t explain, I bounded to my feet and dove into the water to bring it to shore. However, it was much bigger than I anticipated and moving much faster that I thought, so instead I just lay-atop of the log and let it carry my swiftly down river.

"Well, one can only I hope to have caught a ride to this place called "inside yourself" and not further away...but either way this sure beats walking.."

Floating naked down the endless river, staring at the sky, floating seemingly faster and faster each moment, I became aware the roaring sound that sounded similar to the sound of elephants running on the ground. I looked around and didn't see anything, but the sound got louder and louder, until suddenly the horizon in-front of me turned into white roaring foam, and at the exact moment I realized what was happened, I suddenly was falling through the sky...

Over the waterfall, I went, falling through the air for what felt like miles but surely wasn't -I started to pray, and just when I felt the water touch my skin I pushed all the air out of my lungs and quickly swallowed all the air my little lungs could take.. I was swiftly submerged so deep, with no way to tell what way was up and how to get to air, I just prayed and prayed. I open my eyes to see which way the bubbles from my mouth were going...

I was still sliding deeper and deeper and the bubbles were flowing above my head, I suddenly touched the bottom and there was serenity about me.. My ears and lungs felt as though they would burst, but I stopped trying to fight the pain in my lungs. The water falling from above just keep pushing me down, I pushed off the bottom and tired to swim but I got nowhere. The last of my air was trickling out of my mouth.  I wanted to scream, but I couldn't, so I just relaxed. I couldn't fight it anymore, I watched the scenes of all the places I had been looking for "inside yourself" passed before my eyes until everything went dark...Just as the flash went out, the brightest light I had ever seen appeared before my eyes...and the Queens Double appeared to me to give me her very last breath, and soon, I was sputtering and coughing water out of my mouth at the waterside...somewhere very far  from where I had fallen...

I pulled myself upon the water’s edge in the meadow where I found myself, and lay there for a long long while.. I was tired and scared; I just couldn’t help but cry. Tears flowed down my face as the pain dam burst inside. Flowing from me, it all spilled out into the vastness of the world around me..As it all seeped out, I thought the world would drown in my blood an tears...crumpled in a naked heap, a bundle of madness, a mess of sadness, I just let it all go.... 

As it left me, the pain ebbed a little, and I started to drift into a peaceful lucid dream where I saw the girl. She was running on the beach, an ocean of my tears, her footprints washed away with each lap of the rolling tide... I ran to catch up to her, "Hey Wait Up! I have been looking for you!.." 

She acted as though she couldn't hear me and kept running down the beach.. So I ran faster and faster, screaming louder and louder, but seemingly never made any headway... 

"Hello, Girl from Inside Yourself, Please Help Me!" and she stopped, turned and called back to me... "Well, Hello again, we have been waiting for you.. Take a walk with me..

Seemingly, only two steps later we were walking silently side by side.. This was so strange because I felt like I had run ten miles just a minute or so ago and not gotten anywhere close to her.. "Girl, I'm so confused this all seems so bizarre and unreal, why am I walking naked through the world?"

There was a long pause before she spoke and the gentle lapping of the ocean filled the silence.. "Because to find the Girl Inside Yourself you must bear yourself to the world.. As frightening as it is, it is within the reflection of your Journey you will find her and not a moment before the journey is done. We must keep going, keep seeking and searching this whole world through to find the girl called you.." 

Just then, she walked onto the water and beckoned me to follow.. As if I was weightless and the water was ice, I followed her blindly across the foggy ocean surface, never sinking or splashing, never did the waters surface even ripple as we walked together...quietly seeking.. The Girl from Inside Yourself..

When I woke up I had no way to know which way to go from here. The thought of moving one more muscle without first having good direction as where I was going, was not one I was going to face..For days I lay there, watching the sun come and go, bringing with it the cool breeze of night and later the morning light.. On day seven, I saw a little morning bird nearby that seemed to be watching me as I lay there defeated.  I began to talk to the morning bird.

"Well, hello Morning Bird, I think at some point long ago I lost something valuable. I am not sure what it was or where I was going, I am not sure if it twas the fear of climbing the ice wall with only the ice picks, the blistering heat of the desert, or maybe something the during the fall.. but I have no idea how I got to here, from where I came, or even where I am going.. Do you know where am I going, what am I doing, or even who I am..?"

"Whooo-whooo" the bird called..

"Me neither, morning bird, me neither.."

"Whooo-whooo" the bird called.

When the sun peaked at its highest point, I rolled over and looked into the water’s edge and there was a girl staring back at me.

"Why Hello, who are you?"

"I am your guide- you are walking naked to find the girl "inside yourself", you cannot sit here any longer, you must keep walking.

"But, why... Why am I am walking, where am I going and when will this all end"

"You must find the girl inside yourself to find the answers to these questions""

I reached into the water to touch her, but when my hand touched the still water’s surface, the bird chirped, and the girl faded into my reflection..

"Whooo-whooo" the bird called..

"Okay Morning Bird, we will keep walking... but you lead the way"

The bird jumped off the branch and flew to a tree nearby and I followed...

"Whooo-whooo" the bird called.. and when I got to the tree where she was, she flew to the next tree and called to me "Whooo-whooo"

"Surely, Morning Bird, this is the craziest dream I ever did have..waking naked through the meadow following a bird to far away land called "Inside Yourself"..I do hope you lead me to "Inside Yourself" soon"

"Whooo-whooo" the bird called..

Halfway through the meadow, she sat upon a fallen log, on the edge of the path and looked the crisp leaves that had fallen from the tree above...

"Whooo-Hooooo" morning bird called.

"Ohh Morning Bird, I am so very tired, it is such a long journey to "inside yourself". We haven't seen the girl in twenty days and twenty nights.. I am not so sure we are even headed in the right direction anymore.."

"Whooo-hooo" Morning bird called.

"Oh Morning Bird, how are we to ever find the girl from "inside yourself" now?"

Morning Bird jumped off the branch where she was perched, and trotted around on the ground at my feet... "Whoooooo-hoooooooo, Whoooooo-hoooooooo, Whoooooo-hoooooooo..." Chirping her song, as she pranced around my feet and then flew to a tree down the way...and called to me again..

"WHoooo whooooo"

"I do not want to walk anymore Morning Bird... I do not want to go on, this is insane.. I have been walking naked in the meadow, blindly following a bird, to a place called "inside yourself", seeking a girl that may not exist.. and I have no idea where I am going..."

"Whoooooo-hoooooooo" she called me..

I jumped to my feet, waking to the sound of her morning bird call... "Okay, Morning Bird, here I come, but I am trusting on you to lead me to the girl who resides at the place called "inside yourself"..

"Whoooooo-hoooooooo"

After a while longer, we reached the other side of the meadow, and stood at the top of a hill looking over the land below. Looking down, scanning the horizon, suddenly my eyes fell upon the most peculiar thing I had ever seen... Here in the middle of nowhere was a maze of walls, built around what appeared to be a tiny castle, that seemed so small and far away...

"Oh my, Morning Bird, do you really think we can make it through that..."

"Whoooooo-hoooooooo, Whoooooo-hoooooooo"...

"Do you think that castle is "Inside yourself", do you really think the girl is there?

"Whoooooo-hoooooooo, Whoooooo-hoooooooo"she called to me as she flew above...

"I guess we shall soon see Morning Bird.."

I had walked naked for miles and miles, days and many nights, through this empty barren world, only to find the maze of deceit, which one could only hope would lead me to the land called Inside Yourself to find the girl who resides there..

When I came to the wall of the maze, there didn't seem to be an opening anywhere to be seen, from where I stood it looked solid through and through in all directions, impossibly tall and terribly thick, patched with overgrowth and moss several inches deep..

I was so despaired, I thought I would weep. As I leaned my back against the wall, just about to sit and bawl, I suddenly began to fall. Fall I did, right through that green moss covered wall.. Looking around, I realized I had fallen into a long tunnel that appeared to extend infinitely for exactly the same distance at both ends...

Sitting in crumpled heap on the rock hard ground "Well" , I said more to myself than the bird who had been following me for sometime, "The journey to "Inside Yourself" is forever long and full of many perils, not exactly a tourists dream vacation.. "

I stood up and brushed the dirt out of my skin and reached out to touch the wall I had just fallen through... My hand just fell straight through, so I touched the wall behind me thinking this was the solid wall I would follow looking for a new door... and again my hand just fell through..

So I walked up and tried to look past the moss, sure enough it appeared to be only hanging there, giving the image of a wall, rather than really being a wall.. Everywhere I looked there was just moss overhanging and everywhere I pressed I could just push through...

So I pressed on, walking through wall after wall of the maze of deceit, laughing at how much fear I had of this very maze as walked up to it from afar, picturing all the things that could happen if was lost in there forever..

It's amazing how sometimes a wall really is a door...

The Price of War

When the sound of the clashing arms died down, and the doubles of the Queen withdrew from battle, the silence on the battle field was as deafening as the sounds of war that raged here just days before. 

The queen is watching from her tower

"My lord, I never meant for all this to happen, I was just seeking peace.."

"Since when has war brought peace, Milady?"

Turning my back to him,

 "Since when, has peace ever come before war? I built this castle with my own hands, brick by brick, I built that wall that protects our people, I have tended to every wounded soldier that has stumbled across those gates, and slain every dragon that dare breathe fiery breath upon us..I waited for you... I waited in my castle, I sought refuge from the war, I wanted naught to do with all of this, all in the name of peace, but war still fell upon my door. The beast came knocking, calling my name, what you have me do, let them take what is mine, kill our people, let them take my life?" 

"Milady, I told you to stay in the tower, not slay an entire village of townsmen, I told you, to leave the war to people. It is not your battle, war is no place for a lady, I have given you an army to fight wars for you and yet you leave the safety that which is here." 

"Well, My Lord, the war has carried on for years and years, my army was growing tired and thin in numbers, besides, war is over now." 

Relaxing as his arms embrace me,

"Milady, they will rebuild and come back, they will pound the doors down, they will keep coming until you surrender… You must surrender to stop the war, you cannot just keep slaughtering the innocent men who have been sent by the King to fetch you" 

"My Lord, you joke with me, you know this will never happen. I will slay the entire nation of men before I ride to my own death in the hands of one man" 

"Then what are you fighting to save, if not the free people...who are you serving then? If you want the war to stop, if you want to have peace, you have to leave the tower, you must surrender" 

"Not a chance, My Lord, I'll die here in the tower or on the battle field, I will have it no other way."

"Milady, this is my last word before I take my leave, How do you even know the King means to kill you? He may have plans that are to your liking, he may mean to offer you some great honor, you have no idea...but stay in the tower if that is what you wish."

That war began a long time ago and the Queen of Arms took cover within her keep. Of course, at the very top of a seemingly never ever ending staircase, beyond the un-breachable doors of her brick wall, she is hiding in the tallest tower of them all..

She stands, peeking out her window, where she can see, over the oceans and past the vast sea, far beyond the driest deserts, well past the maze of deceit, and over her towering wall..

She is parched with thirst, her lips are dry, heart beating fast, deep breaths with long shallow exhales..

Residing below the surface, burning deep inside, there is a feeling that she tries to hide.. an itch, she is dying to scratch, a craving, longing, a never-ending yearning...and it leaves her hurting, passionately needing...

She is dying to surrender, to set asunder caution and abandon all constraints..it's eating her from the inside out, breaking her down, consuming her mind, one thought at a time.. it leaves her wanting... 

For a long time she has been in the tower, silent...with an army of doubles defending her keep...

but, by now she is wanting and needing a release...just a brief escape from the constant drone of war that goes on just beyond her door... even the Queen of Arms needs a respite sometime.. 

Suddenly the queen spoke... "A long time ago, I ran into my castle, shut my door, and let the war rage on beyond my door." 

"My heart pounding, back against the door, crouched on the floor, I began to ponder the significance of war." 

"I have been fighting in a war, one in which I do not believe in. One in which, I feel the world is against me and I am alone, one that makes you look upon on your own with suspicions of treason. The clash of metal, the bang of my blade against the shield of the demons who sought to steal my soul; the noise was as deafening as the silence that has befallen upon me." 

"Looking at the blood on my blade, seeing the faces of those who have fallen before it, feeling numb, that was when it hit me, and I start to laugh and half hysterically I cried out" 

"Funny thing about being at war.. When you are on the sidelines watching, you worry and are filled with dread and fear. However, when you are actually in the battle field, swinging your blade through your enemies heart, fighting the war, you rarely think the outcome will be anything but that victory you desire. It’s after, when you are alone, in a deathly silence, that the spirits of dead fill your head that really start to lose your mind."

The Transformation

I looked down and saw my magic looking glass. I picked it up. I looked deep into my own eyes then said “Mirror, Mirror in my hand, show me now what is your wonderful plan.”

Her beautiful face now reflected back as my own, I was no longer a child now I was all grown.

“K once a child on the inside of a looking glass now you’re free to make your own path. Forget the past as it over, move on from the dreams that do not last. This is the life you were meant to live. I’m here in your magic mirror, should you need my guidance all you must do is ask. All things can be known to you but, your own past. In this life you must trust your heart to follow the path where ever it may take you. Trust in my words to give you guidance and always lead you. I promise you this; I will never ever leave you.”

“These are the things you must know about your person.  I have named the Kay, as it is K that has been hidden from everyone all along. K is the girl who sung a sad song and Kay is the woman you have grown to become. It is true that you are no longer just one, you are three in addition to the person you now call me. Titanium is our middle name to represent the strength of Krissy within us, she is strongest shield ever given to that which is still living. Krissy feels no pain she is the one who will work towards all you hope to gain. “Jewels” is the last name I have chosen for you. It is to represent Kristen, as she carries your “Jewels” whatever you may find them to be. She shall not let anyone touch thy treasured chest; she will protect you until long after death. ”

“Do not forget with your new found power and beauty, the road here was long and fraught with danger. Do not look back and wish to remember. It is ok to forget. You had to grow to be smart, before you could grow strong enough to withstand the sight of your own beauty. Do not use your talents unwisely; do not do things you know you will later regret. ”

‘So I just go on and live a life as Kay T Jewels? How do I know when is the right time? How will I know who is the right one, and how will I know what to do?’

“Look with your eyes open wide but not looking for anything in particular and you will see everything. Stop hiding in the looking glass and live your life as you wish it to be and all will be as it should. Listen to hear what they are really saying but never forget to speak as well. The best time is now, the best person is who you are with now, and best thing to do is what you are already doing now. Go be with the one you love most.”

I left the mirror on my bed, walked down the stairs and grabbed my little angel into a great big hug. I kissed her little head and then I said “Everything is just right now, the best person to be with is the one I’m with now, and the best thing to do is whatever you are doing right now…”

She smiled and said “Really….I’m playing tea party with my dolls. Do you want a cup of tea?”

As I pulled up a tiny seat to sit at, I said to her very seriously “You wouldn’t believe me if I told you, I have been waiting all my life for a cup of tea with an angel like you, would you?”

She giggled, she laughed and from behind her cup she said.” No we just had tea a few minutes ago, before you went into your bedroom silly.”

www.MyNudeStoryBook.com

The Girl In the Meadow

Standing there watching her cry, wanting to reach out to her and ask her “Why?” Knowing I can do nothing but wait for it to subside. My head surged with pain as I looked in at her, so sad on the other side, on the inside. Looking to the mirror in my hand…
The finest laced brass wraps the edge of my looking glass, into the reflection I stare, hopelessly looking in there; I call out to her in whisper.

“Child, have I taught you not? Haven’t we been here before? Come to the mirror, ask me the questions in your heart and cry no more.”

She looks up and out at me then sobs sadly ‘Where have you been? I thought you left me alone again?’
”Never are you alone ever again, remember we are to be together until the very end.”

Staring up into my eyes she says ‘I do not remember tell me once more, how I came to be inside the mirror? This time I shall never forget ever again..

“K you were born into this world to serve a great purpose, a long time ago you cast a spell. A young caster in the middle of the wood, you carried your mothers mirror out to brook, with you that night you took two candles, one black and one white. In K’s meadow during the middle of night, you began to sing a beautifully sad song, then the candles you did light. Your words made from magic, you did not yet understand, reached the angels and they put you in the mirror where you now stand.” 

Looking down into the mirror from aside the bubbling brook, her tear hit the glass and slid to the brass rim. ‘Will I ever return to the see the other side, or am I destined to always be on the inside?’'


She smiles softly and says,

“It is you who cast the spell that protects you; it was you who wished to hide from all the ones who neglect you. It was you who wished to forget you, when all you had to do was accept you.”

Her face appeared streaked behind the looking glass; her eyes were green blue like the ocean as she stared up at me and said ‘Who is me K now? Am I Krissy? Am I Kristen? How am I to decide without knowing?’

“Must it always be one or the other, can you not be all three of them? Either way you must decide when it time for you to come from within, to be one on the other side. I shall give you this key, it will last you until eternity. This key will be the way you can always find me. When you’re ready to be one and decide whom you will be, place the key around your neck, look into the mirror and say “Mirror, Mirror in my hand I have chosen where I stand.”

“With that I leave you child until next time” the girl in the mirror faded into my own reflection and I examined the key. It hung from a titanium chain, was made of white gold, it was jeweled with black and white diamonds. I put the necklace around my neck and said” Mirror Mirror in my hand, I have chosen where I stand”

Suddenly there I stood in my own kitchen I was no longer in my reflection, my daughter on the couch as if none of it had ever happened. I walked up to my bedroom and looked around the calendar read May 26, 2010.  I was kind of a little bit scared at what might find. Everything looked so pretty a very nice house, not a sign of anyone other than Angelina and me. Then there in the mirror on the wall reflected back at me- Kristen Krissy and K.

Where you'll find me

Turning around, she walked over to the window and opened it. Leaning out, she peered down at the moat below; from here it appeared not to be moving. The stillness of the water’s surface belied the true danger that lurked below. From this view, the wall that surrounded the keep looked small, despite its true towering size. Just past the wall, an endless maze that stretches as far as her eyes could see. From this view, life was splendid; the world was quiet and unmoving. Screaming out the window, into the vast empty space between here and there, her words echoed through the air, “Here I can be me; here I am safe to be free, as here it is only me.” Staring at the horizon, past the wall that surrounds her keep, over the maze that stretches to the desert, she can almost see you.

As you approached the beginning of the maze, she calls out to you, “If you managed to traverse the ocean, cross the desert, and found the gate to my endless maze; would you still continue? For if you do, you are sure to get lost along the way. My maze is alarmingly deceitful; it can be hard to say which way to go. My maze is mind-bendingly complicated; it’s even harder to know which way is right and when to say no. Walls so high in every direction; can you not see, there is no way you will ever find me?  The entire maze is filled with walls, they all look the same, each corner looks like the one before last. Each new door looks like the one you just passed. Do you think that you would make the whole journey though? Do you think you could last? Would you do this just for me, or is this all for you?”

When you approached the wall that lies at the end of the maze, she called to you again, “If you did find your way to my Manor, my heavenly keep; do you think that you could ever climb a wall that steep? If you had to climb my towering wall, I know for sure that you would fall. My wall that stands 1000 feet tall is as sleek as polished stone. This wall is now all that stands between you and the s     now call home, Do you dare even try, not knowing what truly lies beyond, on the other side?  Is this the point where you would lose heart, turning back to home? Would you stay and take a stand, or would you try to challenge me for a throne, in my magical land?

When you had crossed the wall and had found the bridge that crossed the moat, she called to you again, “If you managed to find yourself, on the other side, walking to the bridge, just down the way; do you think from your path, you would ever stray? My Keep is just as complicated as my maze to navigate with any certainty, of this you can be sure. If you made it thus far, you have not been killed, maimed or scared; count yourself as blessed, and stop to catch your breath. This is the largest of all your tests; can you make this one like you made the rest?”

.As you took your first step onto the bridge, she called to you again. “When you walk over the bridge and into the gate that is just past my moat; it is a chance you must take, that boards below you don’t just break. You may be surprised to see that the door, I have left opened for thee. The entrance is grand for sure, you shall see. The sight takes the breath from within you, leaving you feeling unsure you can ever continue. The winding staircase before you leads to the tower, in which I hide from you. When you look up, to see how far you must climb just to see me, you may become disheartened. The stairway ascends to what seems like an impossible height. To get to the top will takes days, surely many nights. With each agonizing step you take your legs will begin to ache. Can you take the pain and wait? Do you think this is a mission you should even try to take?”

From inside the keep, you could clearly hear her direction, as she calls down to you from the tallest tower in the keep. As you approached the top of the stairs her words echoed, in the halls, “If you should get thus far, you haven’t been tempted to stop, nor blinded by the light of temptation, or given up the faith in seeing the light. When you stand before my door, you will look and see; even if you do find me, you cannot take me by force or even see me, if that is my choice.  My door only opens from the inside out; it is designed to keep me in and you out. Would you knock and ask me your heart's deepest desire, or of this chase would you tire? Over the vast ocean, across the driest desert, thru a deceitful maze, over a sky scraping wall, across my still moat, up and endless flight of stairs to find only a door that you cannot breach, a woman you may never reach. Unless I let you thru, unless I want to see you, you cannot continue. If you came all this way and I refused to see you; tell me what would you do, what might you say?”

As you stood before the last door you could hear her voice loudly, as she called out to you. “If you did knock at my door, what tale would you tell, what story you would sell, to make me open the door and let you into thy mansion in the sky? How would you convince me that I am safe with you? What words would you use to assure me that you are true? Would you choose them with care? Would you challenge me with a dare? Truly, how would you complete this last task, would you scream and kick the door down with a blast? Would you beg and plead, just turn around and leave, or maybe even completely forever forsake thee? I just need to know, would you still stay or would you go?”

The silence was deafening when she was not speaking, but you did not say a word. She continued to speak through the door, “If I let you pass this way, you will never want to leave. This palace is blessed with white magic; it is pure, divine, and utterly sublime. With no anger, no malice and no hate this tower is a place that only angels wait. It is a one-way gate, to a life where there is no pain, sadness and hate. Could you give up all those long held notions of revenge and commotion? Would you trade all those unhappy days for a new life, with new ways?  Can you find a way to let go of all that grief, and finally seek some everlasting peace?”

From where you stand, you could see the breaks in light at the bottom of the door; showing you where she now stands. You could hear her breathing just beyond on the other side, as she calls to you again, “If you were to come inside, to look and see with me; do you wonder what you might observe. If you can imagine, the view from here is an amazing sight for sure. You can see for ten thousand miles, maybe even more, straight across the desert, to the ocean’s shore. The miles between here and there are filled only with blue skies and crystal clear air. There are days when the clouds are spectacularly white, and just as many nights when the stars are the only light. Could you take such a simple life? Would you want a life that offers you much more than pain and strife? Do you dream of a simple, uncomplicated life? Can you find a way to leave behind the shattered dreams of yesterday and replace them with new happy dreams of the morrow? “

Remaining silent on this side of the one way door, you sit patiently and wait. It isn’t long before she begins speaking her words again, “If you were to cross this threshold, to look from up here, at the world down there; it is sure to change you. The first of many beautiful things you would see is the wall that was so large to thee. My polished stone wall, that one you did crawl; from up here it looks only tiny and small. Wrapping its way around my heavenly mansion, it does the job of keeping us safe from any enemies who dare try to invade our lands.  Would you choose a life under its protection? Tucked away in my tower, behind my stone wall, you would be safe from that all. Can you imagine a life that is not filled with the troubles and pains of war? Could you part with all that madness, leaving behind all your sorrows and sadness?”

“If you were to choose a simple life of love and protection, in my tower, behind my wall, looking down at the land beyond; by far the most breathtaking sight to see, would have to be my maze of trickery. From here the view shows, miles and miles of bending, turning, twisting halls, together they give the illusion of solid walls. A mystery, a puzzle, can be difficult to solve while in the mists of the uncertainty of it all.  The true trickery of my walls, which appear to be so rigid, is with barely a touch each wall will instantaneously and forever dissolve. For those unwilling to try what they do not know, into my maze they do not go. Only the brazen, courageous and true, such as you, dare to venture the whole way thru. Behind my maze and beyond my wall, is the safest place of all. Do you truly seek, even just a little peek, at what I say is on the other side?  Beyond the door, between here and there is the place of which I speak; is this the place you truly seek? Could you learn to give your heart freely, give forgiveness upon request, and give to every day whatever your best may be? If this was all I asked of thee, and only a portion of what I offered thee, would you still seek this life with me?’

“If you really do seek simplicity, you truly do ardently desire a life where you are warmed by an eternal fire of a love that will never tire; behind my door is where you need to be. The view from here is simple in its most complicated form. Looking from my window, past my wall, beyond the maze, and into the desert, you can see. From my tower high up in the sky, the desert doesn’t even appear to be even a little bit dry.  The hot desert sands glimmer and shine in the distance, shimmering mirages cover the dry desert lands. Smart travelers such as you, avoid the temptation to stop or change course in search of the many false oases that riddle the desert lands. From up here, even the most brutally, dry and unforgiving places can be beautiful beyond mere words or brief descriptions. Knowing this, can you afford the cost of a change in perspective and create a new perception? After walking those desserts thru, can you even imagine that standing here and not there, you can change everything you believe about the desert to be true? Can your mind even fathom the thought of what it might be like, to see life through this view?’

“If you were able to see, that life here in the tower is actually the most beautiful and wondrous place to be, I would let you in with me. Looking out the window to the sea, from the tower hidden in the skies; you could truly live a life with no more lies; you could see life through these new eyes. We all know the dangers that lurk within the uncharted waters of the sea. The shore that is lined with jagged rocks and hidden sandbars; from this view, can appear to be a tiny blue line against the darkened horizon that sparkles, in the light of night stars.  In the tower, living in reality means; living a life accepting that even the ugly has some beautiful sides. It means knowing that where you stand in life, radically changes how you view what it is you see in life. Can you still tell me, you have seen everything there is to see, that there is nothing left I can show thee? Can you ponder a life where all these realities are real and exist just over the yonder?’

“If you ever have stopped just to wonder what life could be like if life were only perfect, then in my tower is where you need to be. In my tower, you wake every day to the most incredible, exotic and brilliant sights ever imagined possible. The view from here is ever changing, even though what you’re viewing may never change at all. Your perspective on life can be forever altered, with only one look at what I have to offer. If I offered you all this, if I answered your every wish, if I gave to you this utter bliss; would you give to thee more than just one kiss? Would you give up on all you assume to be true, if I could hand this type of life to you?”