The Crumbling Tower

Locked in the castle so many years ago, while the war raged on beyond the walls of our keep, she hoisted her flag and waited.. Thousands came to offer their assistance, one by one she turned them all away.. but the walls of her keep slowly were eroded and soon the sounds of war were beating at her door.. the castle shook violently and her heart pounded madly.. the was a call from outside her window... "Milady, do tell me your plan to leave if not with me, soon they shall be knocking at your very door..I will not be coming around this way to fetch you again"

I called out to him "Sir, I don't think I want to leave just yet."

"Milady, your castle is crumbling under attack you must trust in me and leave now before it is to late."

I looked out to him again "But, I don't want to leave, yet."

He called back, "But, you haven't a choice, now climb out that window and down that rope to safety.."

Looking down, I felt dizzy, but I climbed up on the ledge anyway, swung my legs out, wrapped the rope around my right leg, turned onto my belly and shimmied out the window and just hung there. "I don't want to come down there Sir.."

"Milady, just slide down here I assure you it is safe and I am waiting just at the end of the rope."

I was just hanging outside my window by a rope when I heard the crash of my tower door.. They were at the tower door already, I had to let go and when I did, I slid down the rope so fast I nearly fell right into my Knights hands.. "Oh thank goodness you finally came to your senses, you have been up there way to long already, let's go now.."

I didn't fight leaving the castle that day, instead I rode quietly away, making my escape, watching quite sadly as my keep crumbled to the earth..

"Don't worry Milady, you can always build a new home in a land that is not plagued with war"

"What saddens me Sir is not that my home is gone or that I have to rebuild, but is that the land I call home is so plagued with war.."

The Final Lesson Before my Last Life

When I feel confused on which route to take, I always turn to her in the mirror.
So now with my eyes open wide, I look to my mirror for the new door in which I am about to enter and say
“Mirror, mirror on my hand I seek your guidance. I feel lost, and I do not know which path to take. Tell me mirror what is my fate?”

She appears in the mirror and says ‘Tell me, Kay, what guidance and knowledge it is you seek from me today.’

“Mirror, Mirror in my hand, show me my new path in the sand. I command you mirror before the new tide show me all that you hide. Show me the new door, the one you can no longer hide. With the new wind, I expect you to bring, a place that is safe, a place that I’m needed, a place where I can sing. Sail this ship through the storm and safely to port in a faraway land, where there will be others who need my helping hand.”

“Now with these words, I have spoken to you from deep within me, I will rest my worries in your reflection staring back at me from my mirror. I will let you lead me where I need be. I shall not worry that it will not happen as expected; I have faith in my mirror to do with me what you will, including finding me new spiritual work, a place I am respected. Her plan is not known to me, only it is known to me, that for me her plan is best.”

From  within my reflection, she begins to speak her knowledge from the other side,
‘So often when a chapter in our lives ends we spend so much time grieving for the last chapter, we fail to see the new that is just beginning.  You won’t make this mistake as you have seen so many falls to this painful oversight.’

‘At times life feels like a test. However it’s more like the stream of learning and experiences. These experiences feed our growth and development. In this reality. We will continuously fall into the same traps until we learn how to recognize them, accept them for what they are and thus successfully avoid falling into them again. It is our private belief that, If we do not learn the lesson in this life, we are doomed to live it again in our next life. Even for eternity if that’s how long it takes.’
I say to her,

“In this lifetime I have learned much more than I ever expected, I feel I am close to transcendence. Each lifetime I grow, I grow closer to the angels in your world and find myself further and further away from the people in this world. Each lifetime I find myself more and more misunderstood by my peers, thus falling deeper into my higher thoughts and beliefs. “
She speaks softly to me, almost in a whisper from behind the glass,
‘I have been told this we have but one more lifetime to live after this one. If we wish to move on to the next realm, you must understand all things that happen here are meant to prepare us for there.’

“So that is my lesson this lifetime, and here I am learning to accept it.”

Behind the Mask

“All my life I have had to wear masks, a mask to fit in, a mask to hide the pain, and a mask to be loved. Well no more! This is my unveiling; watch closely as it may just send you railing. Underneath is so much more beautiful than the surface you find so appealing. Deep inside there is love that is burning, a desire to be free that is so great it leaves me yearning.”

“So today I shall show you all, who I can be, Who is me!”

“I am the girl that has remained hidden, to only but a few. When I show my true self, people fall in love, believe it they do. They do not fall in love with me; they fall in love with my person For I’m true and sweet, my love is unconditional, it is forever at your feet.” 

“Once my love is yours, it is yours to do with what you like. My love respects, it obeys, it listens as well as it hears, and it laughs as frequently as it tears. It’s built on a foundation of trust and like titanium it never rusts. You cannot break it, nor ever lose it, for it is something that never leaves you once you take it as yours”
“It will carry you when you are weak and catch you when you fall. When my love touches you, you know it; you will feel it and you will see it. It can knock you over, help you up, nail you to a cross or set you free. My smile is true and if I have given it to you, it is sure to change you.”

“When my masks fall away, you can see that behind them stands 
a woman of caliber”

“When no one would stand for me, I stood alone! Against an army of foes with Hell only inches from my toes,.  I did not cower. I have dangled off the roof top, and climbed back up”

“I am the woman, who has seen your worst and loved you anyhow. I am the woman, who has held you while you cried and stood behind you while you tried. I have held your hand and heart in mine for as long as time.”

“My masks I have broken, and with these words I have spoken. I hope that you will see me now, for who I am. Not for whom I have had to be, for she is different than me”

“I have reviled myself now that I’m safe to be free; I’m safe to be me. If you love me, then you will just accept me. Accept that today I come to you as me, not a reflection of what I used to be.”
“Take my love, know it’s complicated but, believe it is real.  Please, take the woman behind the veil”

My First and Last Day

Trying to find the words to describe how I felt then realizing that there were none. The pain so deep, the sadness so great, I went deep into myself, into my soul. I heard the words and saw the actions, but I just could not comprehend. Where did the love go, why was it all gone, will it ever be okay again? It grieved me, it pained me, and almost broke me.

Was it all an illusion, did you only feed my delusions; my mind was spinning in revolutions’. In that moment I was humbled, I had been broken, my spirit was crumpled. My legs felt weak beneath me, my feet felt like lead on the ground, but the girl inside my head said,

"Run child, run fast, don’t stop until you are free, do not look back not even for me run, run, run child quick with me"

So I set my feet on the floor, I looked around to set my path. Without another thought, I ran as fast as I could. One foot in front of the other and suddenly I felt like was flying. Feet pounding on the ground, slamming the cement, heart racing, and adrenaline pumping I went on.
The pain in my heart eased a little with each step. The rain hitting my face felt like ice but I felt little of it as I ran the whole night through. Tears streaked my face the wind burned my cheeks, but it did not stop me. I just kept running until the breath ran right out of me. I did not look back, I just ran blindly, wet with rain and tears, filled with pain and fears.

When the sun came up, I fell asleep in the park.  When my eyes closed from fatigue the world grew dark behind my eyes. Then a bright light in darkest dark I had ever seen appeared to me 
He came close enough to me that I could see his familiar eyes. He said to me without ever even blinking or changing his smiling expression.

“Everything seems so dark right now, times seem so gray. Do not lose your way, do not let the pain and sadness block out the light. Don’t give up the fight.  Look around for signs that I am near, for I am with you every breath you draw. You are never without me, I am always here, always near, I am everywhere. Do not have fear, you may feel alone and sad, but I promise this won’t always be the way. Some day you will be with me, you will think of these terrible times you had and won’t remember the pains you have had. “ I cried out in my sleep, I moaned and begged him to come for me. He did not take me.

When I woke, the sun had fallen behind the horizon and the sky was filled with pink and yellow streaks. A calm had come over me, nevertheless my heart was heavy, yet it seemed possible to go on. The pain almost felt gone, I was numbed in such a way that I could not explain.

I didn't realize that day when I woke, with those first words I spoke, that it had all but gone away. It felt like they were all in place, but really what I had done was locked them in that special space. I was a clean slate, and I was no longer was filled with only hate. I had managed to forget the pain, but all the facts still remained. What an odd feeling it was to wake up one day, and not have a memory of your own personal history. To not really notice that I didn't remember why I was so sad for so long, like I did that day. To just know that you are who you are, because you know it. Not because you remember what made you what you are.


Ten years came and past before anyone but me knew anything about the mirror and me.